Healthy and Unhealthy Touch

The thought of talking to a child about healthy and unhealthy touch causes anxiety for a lot of parents.  However, it is never too early to start the dialogue with your child.  Although the reality is that we can not protect our children 100%, education can help prevention.  Here are some important considerations that may help alleviate some fear and prepare parents and caretakers.

• Communicate with your child to develop an open trusting relationship rather than relying solely on school to address the issue. 

• Addressing the topic should be an on-going process, not just a one time conversation.

• Using the words healthy and unhealthy touch versus good and bad touch may allow more open communication.  Children who have been sexually abused often feel guilty and the word “bad touch” only reinforces the thought that they are “bad” and at fault.

• Put aside the idea that you have to have “the talk” and look for opportunities during the day to bring up the topic.  This will alleviate your fears and anxieties as well as your child’s.  Some examples:
  • As you’re preparing to go to the beach, explain that swimsuits cover our private body parts that are not for others to see or touch.
  • During or after bath time, explain that no one should see or touch their private body parts.

• Review some exceptions, i.e. if they are hurt, mommy, daddy, or the doctor may check them out to make sure they are okay and help them.

• Using their language of play to communicate is more effective than just talking to children.  Some examples:
  • Play out some scenes using dolls, action figures, or stuffed animals and ask them what would happen or what should the dolls/action figures/stuffed animals do in certain situations.
  • Make people figures out of play dough, discussing body parts and what’s okay and not okay.
  • Use dolls/stuffed animals/action figures to ask about body parts and what’s okay and not okay.

• Stranger danger is overrated.  Talk to your children about healthy and unhealthy touch with everyone.  In most child sexual abuse cases, the perpetrator is a family figure, caretaker, or close person the family trusts.  Only 10% of child sexual abuse victims are abused by a stranger. (Darkness to Light: www.darkness2light.org)

• Children are naturally curious as they are exploring the world.  Just because they ask questions about body parts does not mean they have been sexually abused. 

• Help your child develop a safety plan if someone does try to touch them in an unhealthy way:
  • Say no (Give your child the permission to say no to an adult (or adolescent or child) who is asking them to do something that is not okay.)
  • Scream
  • Run away
  • TELL SOMEONE AS SOON AS POSSILBE, EVEN IF THE PERSON THREATNED TO DO SOMETHING IF THEY TELL (Often children feel ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, and fearful they will get in trouble.  Perpetrators are also skilled at making threats (to harm the victim, victim’s family, pet, etc. or that the victim will be punished) and victims are often fearful of telling.

  For more information or if you have concerns about your child, feel free to contact us at Project HELP, Inc. (239) 649-1404.  Kim Rodgers, LCSW Clinical Supervisor